just what I’m hungry for

September 13, 2009

It’s midday, and my hunger feels luxurious: luxurious in its intensity and its incipient knowing. So I’m sitting down with it.  I’m like a lover, asking my loved other, ‘where do you want to go?’ —and then waiting with no hurry. Like a little child, my hunger is just pure raw desire.  It’s too hungry […]

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the irresistable force…

September 13, 2009

“Each of us possesses, at our very root and core, a profound and irresistable longing…” —Reginald Ray, Touching Enlightenment: Finding Realization in the Body

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…and the immovable object

September 13, 2009

“To discover your projects… notice… what you reckon are obstacles…  The desire does not reveal the obstacle; the obstacle reveals the desire.” —Adam Phillips, On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored

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raison d’etre

September 6, 2009

I turned fifty a couple of months ago. I feel younger than I have since I was a teenager, if by ‘feeling younger’ one means the feeling of one’s own vitality running high. But I don’t feel young. I’ve done too much; learned too much; lost too much. My father’s dead, my mother’s dying and […]

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how to remove a stuck mantra

September 4, 2009

I am an adventurer when it comes to meditation.  It’s not that I’ll try anything and everything — but I do like to play. Walking meditation is the most basic kind for me.  When I need to come home again, walking meditation is how I get there. Often I’ll synchronize my breath and my steps.  […]

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separation

September 3, 2009

separation isn’t time or distance it’s the bridge between us finer than silk thread sharper than a sword –Nazim Hikmet

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the red thread

August 28, 2009

I’ve had this red pillowcover for eighteen years now.  Dominique made it for me when I was pregnant and nesting—I found the material in the remnants at London Fabrics. Dominique moved to Seattle; London Fabrics closed long ago; so did my marriage.  But here is this red cover, looking humble among my later pillows but […]

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the soft animal of this body

August 26, 2009

I’m feeling mammalian this morning: very nearly furry. As I woke, I was just a little animal whose warm weight was even this moment leaving a warm imprint in the nest of my bed.  I felt both front paws tucked together under my chin.  I felt the imprint—in the curl of my body—of the fetus […]

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waiting

August 20, 2009

I’m waiting for S. to decide if he’s staying or going. He had been separated from his wife for several years when we met. At first, he was eager to complete the process of severing their lives. But recently, on the other side of a birthday and a serious illness, he’s started feeling old. He […]

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destination unknown

August 16, 2009

My new possible guest is nervous. He’s asked for pictures of the apartment inside and out, and my address so he can Google it and tour the neighborhood —and late last night he emailed that today he would like to have a conversation. His angst brings back memories of a few travel adventures of my […]

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